The Step to take BEFORE

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It takes courage to change…

I didn’t appreciate the courage it took for me to plan an escape from domestic abuse.

I didn’t appreciate the courage it took for me to actually execute the escape.

I didn’t appreciate the courage it took for me to start a business.

Or to become a speaker.

Or to move to another city.

Or to start dating.

Every step was scary.

I wish I knew this critical skill from the beginning so it would have been easier and I’d have much more success in creating the life I deserved.


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Maybe you have heard the benefits of meditation and perhaps you even tried it.

Maybe you didn’t like it much, maybe it was easy for you, maybe it was challenging or boring.

But let me tell you something that you probably don’t know about meditations.

Most meditations I’ve done have focused on deep breathing, at least during some portion of the meditation.

Deep breathing clears the mind.

Deep breathing helps to focus on the now.

Deep breathing helps to relax.

These are all great and critical to creating shifts in your life and perspective.

However, for those who experience abuse or have experienced abuse, doing deep breathing serves another critical purpose.

When you are being abused, or even if you have left your abusive relationship, and you experience triggers, your brain goes into fight, flight or freeze.

This is your primal brain going into action to protect you.

You are feeling scared and unsafe, whether or not you are in actual danger.

A key step to shift from that state of fear and unsafety is to breathe deeply.

Deep inhales and slow exhales calm the vagus nerve, and this action tells the body it is now safe.

When your body feels safe, then it is ready to receive what you want to do. If you act too soon, the body will rebel.

You’ll be struggling against yourself, and wonder why you can’t do certain things.

If your body does not feel safe, you won’t be able to take the next step.

I struggled against my body to move forward –

I struggled  with triggers when I was in the company of men because I feared they were all like my abusive ex-husband.

I struggled starting my business because I feared going public and being vulnerable.

I didn’t know or understand the importance of the deep slow breathing patterns to make my body feel safe so that I could take the next step, so that I could take care of myself, so that I could honor my needs, so that I could simply feel SAFE.

So try this:

Take 10 minutes, even 5 minutes to breathe deeply:

  • Take a deep breath in with your nose. When you do your belly should expand out like a balloon.
  • Hold for 4 counts.
  • Exhale slowly through your nose on a count of 8. As you exhale, you belly will get flatter.
  • I suggest that you put one hand on your heart and one hand on your belly for a better connection.
  • As you breathe in, say to yourself: “I am safe.”
  • Repeat for the 5 or 10 minutes you decided to dedicate to yourself.

Breathe. Feel safe. Be safe. Take the next step to create the life you desire.

Hop on a call with me if you are facing challenges, triggers and feeling stuck reminiscent from your abusive past.  These challenges look like fear to take action, doubts, feelings of unworthiness, avoiding dating or being unsure of healthy relationships. Go to now to get started.

This is your precious life. You deserve it.

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