The Please Disease, or the Cost of Being Too Nice

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Society has groomed women to be nice. You remember the nursery rhyme, we’re “sugar and spice and all that’s nice.”

We’ve learned to be accommodating. To give in. To accept what is. To not challenge. To make do. To not create a disturbance.  To smile.  To create the peace.

Because we want to be nice.

Because we want to be liked.

Because we believe by being nice good things will happen to and for us.

And how has that worked for you?

I know how it’s worked for me.

I stayed in an abusive relationship for a quarter of century trying to be nice and accommodating so that my husband would be nice, kind and loving to me.

Being nice nearly destroyed me.

When you live or act to please another, you give up a part of you.

Your authentic self gets buried in their requests.—requests that you painstakingly try to fulfill.

Has being nice become a bad habit?

How else can being too nice cost you?

Have you ever lowered your prices during a strategy call with a potential client, hoping by being nice, they’ll work with you and respect you even more?

Have you said, “Yes,” when you wanted to say, “No?”

Have you not let go of someone on your team because you’re too nice to let them go?

Your team can be your business or personal team.  Who in your circle is not supporting you? Lifting you up when you’re together?

Look around.  Become more discerning.

The cost is not only financial, but personal as your worth and value get stripped away.

And in the end, if you’re like me, you’re filled with shame and feeling stupid for having “gotten yourself in this mess.”

The next time you’re tempted to be nice and  “give in, accommodate, or make do,” take these steps:

  1. Say to yourself: “I am worthy. I have value.”
  2. Ask yourself: Why do I feel or believe I have to accommodate the other person? What is really going on here? What am I missing? What am I afraid of?
  3. Create healthy boundaries.

If you have challenges of being “too nice,” or unable or don’t know how to set healthy boundaries, then take this quick and easy quiz, and then let’s hop on the call.

Remember: You deserve to be treated with kindness. And that starts by being kind to yourself.

You matter. You are worthy.

What I know for sure: figuring things out alone is the long, lonely and sad way to creating a joyful and productive life.

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